


Aussie Omens

by Armae



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Slice of Life, Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Vacation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-09 22:36:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20517557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Armae/pseuds/Armae
Summary: Even supernatural beings need some time off, so Crowley and Aziraphale head to Australia for a little r&r.





	Aussie Omens

“How’d you feel about going on a trip?” Crowley asked Aziraphale one day as they fed the ducks at St James’ pond. “I mean, it’s not as if we have to report in anymore.”

“That’s true,” Aziraphale replied. He dusted his hands off and hastily retrieved his gloves from his overcoat pocket. “A trip, hmm? I suppose that depends on where.” He tilted his head in thought as he slipped them on. “I’ve always wanted to go to Australia. I hear they have fascinating wildlife there. And not to mention beautiful beaches.”

Crowley had meant somewhere like the Lake District, but kept this to himself. “I’ve never been to Australia either,” he said. “The demonic influence always took care of itself. Especially with the last decade of politicians.”

Aziraphale wrapped his scarf closer around his neck. “It must be summertime there at the moment, wouldn’t that be lovely! Can we, dear?”

The edge of Crowley’s mouth twitched upward. He clicked his fingers. “Then we’d better get packing, angel. We’ve got a plane to catch.”

* * *

Crowley tilted the glass so the last dregs of champagne slipped down his throat. They were in a first-class cabin, but even then, he had to alter the champagne to be more palatable. Mainly for the sake of his traveling companion. He shifted his gaze beside him to Aziraphale, who was looking out the window. “Enjoying your window seat?” He was rewarded with a huff. 

“I told you, I am happy to move if you want to sit here!” 

Crowley stretched out his arms and reached for the in-flight magazine. “No, no, I’ll just feast my eyes on uh, ‘The Remarkable Weaving of 14th century Belgium’? Ugh.” He shoved the magazine back in the seat pocket. “Thought about what you’d like to do once we arrive?”

“Oh yes!” Aziraphale brightened and retrieved the Lonely Planet Guidebook to Australia from his lap. He thumbed through it. “I’d rather like to go... here,” he opened to a page and showed it to Crowley. 

“A zoo? They do have zoos in Britain, you know. I’m really not good with animals.”

“You don’t have to be, that’s the point! You can just admire them. This one is good because they have conservation programs. They also rehabilitate injured wildlife and return them to the wild.”

“Why a zoo?”

Aziraphale gave him a secretive smile. “Well, you see - I’ve always wanted to cuddle a koala!” 

Crowley took a quick look around before taking off his sunglasses to clean. He decided that he wouldn’t mind seeing the angel cuddling a koala. He wouldn’t mind that too much at all.

He couldn’t show his hand too early though.

“Koalas, really? I always thought they were a bit, you know, feral?”

“But… they can’t be that bad! After all, this zoo says you can hold them!” Aziraphale bit his lip.

Crowley focused very hard on removing the invisible smudges on the lenses. He feigned nonchalance and shrugged, peering at the guidebook. “Guess we could do that, seems close to the hotel we’re staying at. Only need to catch the ferry.”

Aziraphale’s face split with a huge smile. “Oh, thank you!” He wiggled excitedly in his seat. “I find koalas so utterly adorable!”

The demon cleared his throat and hurriedly put his sunglasses back on. “Well, I guess if you like that sort of thing,” he muttered. Which he absolutely didn’t. At all. He made a completely unrelated mental note to check the space left on his phone storage. Just in case he happened to take a photo or two.

* * *

After dropping their luggage off at their hotel, the duo made their way to the zoo ferry. Crowley looked at his watch. The nine-hour time difference was starting to catch up with him. Though it was only seven in the morning, he thought longingly of the hotel beds. Aziraphale, as always, was chirpy and wide awake.

They boarded the ferry. The sky and the water shared the same azure hue. The sun seemed to reflect off every ripple in the water. He was grateful for his sunglasses. 

“Look, Crowley! The Opera House!”

Crowley made a non-committal noise but looked all the same. “Want to see a concert or something there?”

Aziraphale tapped his nails on the ferry railing. “Hm, well it being an opera house, why not an opera?”

“Why not. As long as it’s not too dreary.” Crowley pulled out his phone and tapped away. “Oh, say cheese.”

“Gooday, mate!” Aziraphale smiled and raised a thumbs up as he snapped the photo. 

“Don’t do that again.”

“Sorry.”

Crowley had seen him in the same outfit for the better part of a century. Today, however, due to the heat, Aziraphale wore beige cargo shorts and a blue tartan button-up shirt.

And a ridiculously inappropriate blue bowtie. On a short-sleeved shirt!

He suppressed the urge to grin. “Nice day for us to arrive, I s’pose.”

“Yes! The weather is just sensational!” Aziraphale said as the ferry slowed to a stop. “Oh my, we’ve arrived already!”

* * *

They paid for their tickets and entered the zoo. 

“Crowley, we must go to the koala area first!” Aziraphale clutched eagerly at the park map. “They are feeding them in ten minutes time and that’s when you can line up to cuddle them! They only let in a few people so as not to stress out the animals!”

“Alright. Lead the way, angel.”

* * *

Twenty minutes and some divine intervention later, it was Aziraphale’s turn to hold the koala. 

“Now lean in towards me and let him grab your shoulder. That’s it,” the zookeeper directed Aziraphale. “Now support under his bum, like holding a baby.” 

“Ah, right-o, like so? Aw, isn’t he simply the dearest thing! Crowley? Are you getting this on camera?!” Aziraphale’s voice rose with excitement.

Crowley nodded, holding up his phone. He snapped some photos as he filmed. For the angel’s sake, of course. Not for him. Naturally. 

“Zoom in on his eyes, Crowley!”

He did so. The koala had vertical pupils, like him. He nodded at Aziraphale, who was smiling softly back at him.

“Hm, this fellow smells rather like a cough lolly,” the angel noted.

“It’s the eucalyptus in their diet,” the zookeeper explained. “Their habitat is being threatened due to deforestation. They will only eat the leaves of fifty out of seven hundred varieties of eucalyptus trees.”

“Oh dear,” Aziraphale said, stroking the soft fur. “Poor darling.” He blinked a few times as the woman continued her talk.

Somewhere along the New South Wales coastline, a few thousand tree saplings appeared. Just the sort that koalas like.

The koala in Aziraphale’s arms made an odd noise.

“Ooh sorry about that mate,” the zookeeper said to Aziraphale. “You’d better hand him back over and we’ll get you cleaned up.”

Aziraphale stood motionless, unblinking.

A koala with an arguably upset stomach had emptied its bowels all over his hand.

And his brand new shirt.

And his brand new shorts.

And his brand new shoes. 

The ridiculous bowtie was pristine, however.

Splotches of colour crawled up Aziraphale’s neck. “Please get him OFF me this instant!” he yelped, trying to unfurl the soiled koala from himself. The koala only held on tighter.

Crowley tried not to laugh. He really did. 

“Get off, I say!” Aziraphale flailed his limbs while another zookeeper rushed to his aid. 

Crowley couldn’t contain the laughter burbling up through his chest. 

“You think this is  _ funny _ , Crowley?!” Aziraphale squawked. 

He nodded wordlessly, no breath to reply. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes.

“This exhibit should have a warning on it!” the angel seethed. “I don’t care if it is an animal, that’s simply bad manners and I won’t stand for it!”

His companion at this point had crouched into a rocking ball of hysterical laughter.

“Oh, do shut up Crowley! It’s not funny at all!” Aziraphale said as the two zookeepers finally pried the marsupial off.

“It is,” he panted. “E-even better,” he held up his phone. “I got it- all of it - on camera!” He clicked his fingers.

Somewhere along the Victorian coastline this time, a few thousand more tree saplings appeared. Just the sort koalas like.

* * *

A discrete demonic miracle later, Aziraphale was still in a foul mood. He and Crowley were seated on a bench, a large pile of scrunched napkins growing by his side. Though the mess had long vanished, Aziraphale still wiped where the stain had been every so often.

“It’s  _ gone _ , angel. I made sure of it.”

“I can still smell it.”

“I think it’s all in your head,” Crowley said.

“I can’t believe you laughed at me.”

“Your face was just priceless! Besides, if it had happened to me instead, I’m sure you would’ve had a good chuckle.” Crowley smirked.

“I’d have done no such thing!” Aziraphale said, reaching for yet another napkin.

“Really?” Crowley looked over his sunglasses at him. “Seriously, imagine me, inexplicably holding a cuddly-wuddly animal like that, then all of a sudden it has a massive bout of dia-”

“Yes alright, no need to be vulgar!” Aziraphale muttered. The side of his mouth wobbled. “I suppose it might have been a teensy bit amusing if it were you.” 

“There you go then!”

“...you didn’t cause that disaster by any chance, did you Crowley?” Aziraphale said lowly.

“Me? God no, even I’m not capable of that amount of evil. Must’ve been some really bad leaves.”

Aziraphale narrowed his eyes. 

“Honestly, I had nothing to do with it.” Though Crowley had enjoyed the spectacle, facilitating such crudity wasn’t his scene. “Now cheer up. What would you say to some ice cream?”

“I’d say ‘ice cream, you simply must avoid koalas. They are truly nasty creatures.’” 

“Very droll. ‘All creatures, great and small’ indeed. Here,” Crowley handed Aziraphale a wad of money. He inclined his head to the snack vendor nearby. “Go grab yourself an ice cream. I’m gonna rest my eyes here for a sec.” 

“Don’t you want anything?”

“Eh, surprise me.”

“Very well.”

Crowley sprawled out on the bench and leaned his head back. He shut his eyes, enjoying the warm breeze, the sunshine- 

“Crowley!” Aziraphale shouted from the snack stand.

“Mn?”

“I’ve decided to give you a golden gay time. Is that alright?”

Crowley frowned. “I… you what?”

“I SAID I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU A GOLDEN GAY TIME!”

“Bwuh?!” Crowley sprung to his feet. “What  _ are _ you on about, Aziraphale?”

“Oh, never mind. You’re getting it anyway. I promise you’ll like it! I’ve tried it myself and found it quite pleasant!”

Crowley felt the hot blush flame right up to the tips of his ears. “I-I- stop shouting for heav- SHUT UP AND GET OVER HERE, ANGEL!”

By now, a few people had gathered and were giggling, to Crowley’s mortification. 

Aziraphale walked back toward him, holding an ice cream aloft in each hand. “See? We can have a golden gay time together!”

Crowley took the ice cream he was holding out and saw the writing on the label: Golden Gaytime. He covered his face with his hand. 

Aziraphale smirked. “Well, you did say to surprise you.”

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, please let me know! If people are interested, I'll continue this as a series.
> 
> A Golden Gaytime is a popular Australian ice cream. It was created in the 1950's. It retained its name despite the connotations and is considered tongue in cheek, not derogatory. :)


End file.
